sleepless night

Hiaz bad move again this time.
at first i got 3 choice..and becoz one job confirm me first.
I take that up and rejected the 2 other choice.

But when i start wk, i realize i was wrong,
the job that near my hse, which done video, the job scope, did nt
appear to what I had expected. In fact they should hire a programmer.

Only the first 2 days..already make me feel stress, nervous and unhappy.
My boss had no knowledge of flash, think everything are very simple.
And once task pass to you, he dont care, and go for his own schedule.
I feel so stress..yes..i can let the problem be..but I am those kind of
person that will try.

Now, I left with worries..and unclear of future.
I cant sleep yesterday since 1am, i watch tv,
switch off tv, try to sleep again..but i failed..
my body are really tired..but my mind cant stop floating
question mark, my eye cant close..

I know I am over worried...

And try to sent message again to the company and try....

I am scared of becoming jobless person..without money...

as i lived alone..i had so much to pay...rent, daily necessary, mobile and internet bill and so on..

I start to worry about my own ability...

both side of my neck are pain and my mind now is tired..but..
I still need to go back to my current job (wrong post one)
I cant leave until I find a confirm one.

May be life are always fill wif obstacle ba...
I hope i can learn to get it easy..
I dont want to tell my mum..dont want to make her worry...

I know hope are always for tomorrow..but will i got chance to get the hopes..

to myself

I feel that tis blog, is a platform for me to scream and know more about myself...

I just quit previous job, which only 24days with them..
People there are nice and funny
I just dont like the nite cycle, people like to work fr 11am to 9pm..which is not me..I dont wont to do too boring stuff..and rush work within a day..haiz..may be alot of job scope in hk are like that, which i need to adapt to..

Through tis waiting for interview periods (1 wk)..I try to re-skin myself more..
ask myself alot of question..regarding..actually wat i want,what i can do,
what kind of job suit me..will they hire me..their environment..

Thinking back, when just enter this wking life..I never thk so much before..
as long as company accept me..able to have a stable job..

But when i grow older..i feel i didnt able to save alot..may be becoz of my character..or kind of money management..I hope I can do better tis coming year..

Get diturb by several interview call..
Hope tis time, can find 1 suitable la..
This week will be going for 2 interviews, 2days parttime..add oil..xmas coming le

add oil to me and to all my friends!

I Juz leave Hell!!!

Thanks god, today is my last day.
I work it through..is such a long day..
but finally leave these urgly place..

thanks god...only start rain..when i reach home, after bath..
i usually dont like rains..but i like to listen the sound of raindrop today
feeling relief, coz so soothing sound now..

i dont like the marketing assistance who is the big mouth/gossip in company
I dont like my manager, coz she is blind, she listen only the useless big mouth.

now i care no more about them..i feel blessed

thank you...i am so happy now..

I feel extremely tired~

I feel really tired...

Tired of the current proj I am doing
People behind me are really evil, noisy and I really dont like them,
and their attitude towards work (everyday juz talk about their stocks, gossips about colleagues...etc)

I had no feeling for wat I am doing now...

I feel sick of them...I feel sick of siting there to wk...
My stomach are painful and super moody today..i try to avoid talking to pple..
go aunty's hse eat dinner with full speed, i want to go home, and hide in bed...

I want to stay home tis few day...my head a damn giddy...

I want a break...no matter juz a day or two...i know..i need to bear the rest of the days...add oil to myself...

I feel great!

I finally send out the one month notice resign letter..

I really do wat i feel right and no regret of it..

escape from that animal kingdom...

see their truth color...

grow up to be more stronger and start to become numb of their gossip,

no feeling regardless wat they say...really cant hurt me any more...

i never regret! be strong...29 more days..start count down now.

I hope to go back sg and rest for a month to meet my friends and family..
keep finger cross!!

be strong to myself...

Missssssssing u so much, when I meet difficulties...
and damn sad when u are not there...

plse come bk soon, I hope to get a hug fr u. sob.

Manager Evil's Act !!

1) Always pop to my seat and say "Kelly(Fanny), I think you have to work faster or else can't finish."

My thinking bubble: "why shouldnt you manage your time probably, and really think about the whole flow of the project..now they are expecting me doing 3 pages of creation of layouts, slicing of the html pages in one day, and they never had confirm text and layout in mind, after i do, keep changing and keep changing..and now expect me to work faster..hey man, plse make ur fleaking mind clear..what you want first, before u rush me. I am not a rubbish bin to collect your gas and shit.

2) "Wei, dont be so calculative wif me, if you tell me u do OT during sat and sun, bear in mind, when not so busy days..u can leave office sharp at 7pm!" and u see the other colleague "her name" , also some time stay till 11-12pm to do ot for her work.

My thinking bubble: Hey u, when not the peek days, i still have stuff to work on..and i am effection enough to finish my wk, with sufficient time. And if really nothg to do, is ur fault, i did ask u what i can do next...and leave on time is correct deed, I never leave earlier like others of ur assistant, i never exceed my lunch time..and regarding the other colleague ot, is her efficient prob..if she cant do it fast, is her own experience prob. Now you are giving me insufficient time to finish impossible task..

3)"Moreover, dont forget your internet claim, (our company had a limited claims amount for internet usage) I already increase it fr initally $200 t0 hk$300, you are in marketing team others only claim $200 really treat you very good le." "By the way, i also dont think you at home will use internet for company work lor!"

My thinking bubble: Hey Madam, why production team's designer able to claim $300 and me also a designer use only $200? and they design..i also designer..wat is the different? Though i am in marketing team, i dont use the phone as much as urs, my wk task are mainly internet webpage design..why cant i ask for fair claims?

4) Around 9.30pm in office, after 6-7 rounds of her unclear mind of a page correction..i juz a small comment, "i feel abit giddy~" my manager heard that and she say" Giddy, hey u cant be giddy , u still had long way to go..u have to finish the stuff before u can go"

My thinking bubble: damn u...haiz..i am nt really a machine and even a machine will break down wif tis kind of hash treatment..

Yesterday i really really disappointed with her saying, i didnt fight back, of course not telling her how i feel, i just feel no point to tell her..since she wont take my reason in heart...no point explain to her. She just want the result. And i did tell the case to my bf, he tell me ..may be i didnt know how to push away the ball to others or back to manager..Yes, may be..
But, yesterday..i really tense up, mind tired, go toilet 2 times (really stomach sick, may be too tense up) been working full speed and full concentrate, for the project.

After all, after talk to my bf, i just felt that, why should i been so hard working for her..i thk, i will use my normal speed...normaly feeling for the task..i should relax, no point, make my health, become so poor, my mind so fleak out, and i miss alot of time wif my sis, friends catching time...

In life, there are so much more other thing to do..to treasure..i wont work for life.. i hope i can life for work..I am not a machine~

Really feel better after say it all out..now is early morning..been to the toilet a few times, cant sleep..and hope to type it out to relax my thoughts..and make my self remember..i should learn a lesson..and wont step on it again~